


The Walls Don't Fucking Love You

by l1ght



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Depression, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Mental Breakdown, POV Alternating, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:48:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28023441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/l1ght/pseuds/l1ght
Summary: Tommy always finds himself back at that pool of lava. Why doesn't he just jump, it's not like anyone cares.
Comments: 7
Kudos: 125





	The Walls Don't Fucking Love You

**Author's Note:**

> So I wrote this for a writing challenge (we were given a prompt and had half an hour to brainstorm, one hour to write and half an hour to edit) and decided to post this. I know the title isn't original, I was just listening to Jubilee Line while posting this lol. I rushed the ending so that's that. 
> 
> I am having a fucking field day with tommy actually being canonically depressed. Us angst writers are thriving.
> 
> Enjoy!

He stared at the lava. For the past few weeks, he'd always somehow end up back here, in this same spot, staring at the lava. He didn't know why, but it called to him. He wanted to just reach out and touch it, to feel its inviting hug… 

But he couldn't. He wouldn't. He wouldn't surrender to the call of the lava, at least not yet. People needed him. How would Ghostbur, and Phil feel if he did this? He didnt think about Techno or Tubbo, Techno and Tubbo didn't count. 

But honestly, would Phil and Ghostbur really care? Ghostbur really wasn't aware enough to realize what he was doing, and Phil… Phil hadn’t visited him a single time. So would they truly care? Probably not. They'd just question where he was for a couple of days, then forget about him.

He sighed and sat down on the ledge. If he just let go, he could be happy. He could be like Ghostbur, innocent and carefree, ignorant of all the trials of life. He could forget all of his trauma, and just let go. He could be an actual Lad On Tour!

But he knew that Ghostbur really hadn't forgotten his trauma, not truly. Nor would he if he did this. Ghostbur just repressed all of it. He didn't really forget. Tommy would sometimes see glimpses of Alivebur. The way Ghostbur addressed him, and the way he snapped back. The references Ghostbur made, to things he supposedly didn't remember. No, Ghostbur hadn't forgotten. Dying had just given him the opportunity to repress the bad memories. And the same thing would happen to Tommy if he did this.

He didn't want that. He didn't really want to come back as a ghost, slowly remembering the trauma and bad things in life. He just wanted to be rid of it all, for it all to be gone. He just wanted to permanently die, no ghost bullshit.

He sighed and stood up. This was the argument that ran through his head daily, on repeat. This argument in his head was what brought him back once per day, sometimes even twice or thrice in a day. Those were the days no one visited him, and Ghostbur was away.

He walked back out the nether portal. It was raining in the overworld. He didn't even bother opening up an umbrella or putting a jacket on. The rain chilling him down to the bone felt nice. It was cold, just like he felt on the inside. 

He walked through the rain to Tnret, sitting down on his bed. Perhaps he shouldn't have let his doubts overcome him in the nether and just gone for it. He honestly didn't even know anymore. He just felt so empty on the inside, so cold. And that lava was so warm, so inviting…

He pulled legs up on the bed with him and pulled them close, letting his head lean back against the wall of the tent. He itched for something to do, just something to take his mind off of things. But he didn't want to get up, it was so nice here. He could just lie here forever and slowly starve to death…

He ran his hand over his wrist, the bumps under his fingers feeling so satisfying. His mind flashed back to when he made them. That was something to do. The pain should take his mind off of things. He reached over to where his dagger was stuck in the crafting table. He admired the blade, it was still covered in blood from last time.

Last time… last time was bad. Last time was right after Ghostbur had given him the compass pointing to Tubbo. He’d hung that compass on the wall. It was always pointing in that one direction, the direction of L’Manberg. He didn't really know why Ghostbur gave him the compass. Afterall, Tommy didn't care about Tubbo anymore, right? Tubbo had abandoned him, exiled him. Tubbo didn't give a damn fuck about Tommy, so why should Tommy give a fuck about Tubbo? And he didnt give a fuck about Tubbo. Not anymore. 

He looked back at his dagger. 

Tommy later walked out of Tnret with new bandages on his arms. 

He went about his day on autopilot, his thoughts drifting, occasionally glancing back in the direction of the portal. He chopped wood, went mining, built another building.

He somehow found himself in front of the portal again, staring at it, one of his bandages hands reaching out towards it. With a sigh, he stepped forward through the portal.

He was at the ledge again. Staring into that lava. He was honestly fucking tired of this. Schlatt didn't come back as a ghost so maybe when you died you had a choice whether to come back as a ghost or not. So he should just fucking jump. Even if he didn't get that choice and became a ghost, he could be happy, even if it was fake happiness.

For the second time that day, he sat down on the ledge. He was going to fucking do this. He had already decided it was the best option for him, and everyone else, it really was. But first, he had to do something. 

Standing back up, he placed down his ender chest and pulled out a jukebox and Chirp. He put the disk in the jukebox right by where he was sitting. A ghost of a smile appeared on his face. The music brought back memories of Tubbo, even if the other boy wasn't here, and this wasn't the same disk. His smile disappeared, it was time. 

He didn't register the sound of someone coming through the portal as he pushed himself off. He closed his eyes and truly smiled for the first time in a while as he fell into the warm hug of the lava. It really was as nice as he'd anticipated. 

Tubbo stumbled through the portal, intending on talking to his friend. Instead he saw the boy push himself off the cliff into the lava, music disk playing. “ **_Tommy-!_ ** ” 

A message appeared in the chat.

**_TommyInnit tried to swim in lava to escape TommyInnit_ **

He walked back out the portal, back into the overworld. The tears were coming fast and he didn't even try and suppress them. When his legs couldn’t support him anymore, he fell onto his knees, full-on sobbing now.

He thought he heard the voices of Phil, of Dream, of Ghostbur, and many others. But he didn’t bother trying to respond. Tommy had killed himself. Tommy had killed himself. _ Tommy had killed himself.  _ **_Tommy had killed himself because of Tubbo._ **

A funeral was organized. It was held in L’Manberg, the nation Tommy had once fought to build and save. 

‘ _ TommyInnit _

_ Though he may not have believed it at the end, he was loved by everyone.  _

_ 2004-2020 _ ’

Those were the words on his gravestone. No one pointed out that he was only 16. No one pointed out that they all played a role in his suicide. They just grieved for a life lost early.

There were flowers around the gravestone, poppies in fact. Niki had planted them, tears in her eyes. 

One day, when Tubbo was going to visit the grave, he saw a familiar gray figure floating there in front of it. It was not Ghostbur. 

“T-tommy?!” Tubbo stuttered out. He had hoped Tommy would come back as a ghost, but he wasn't going to hold onto hope and believe that he would. But Tommy had come back as a ghost, and Tubbo was infinitely grateful for that.

The ghost turned about. And though his translucent clothes, skin and hair were all singed and he was floating above the ground, there was a smile on Tommy's face. “Hey, Tubbo!” 

Tommy was happy.

But at the back of his mind, he knew he was not.

And that was fine, he’d enjoy the happiness for now.

**Author's Note:**

> If anyone here is waiting for that On The Cliffs of Insanity oneshot I said I'd do about Tommy, that's coming soon enough. Just lemme finish the other oneshot I'm currently writing. I am in no way a fast writer. Thanks for reading!


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